Sunday, October 25, 2015

Distant relationship again

I have a question to person who has someone or married.

What if your loved one is away from you, how do you feel?




My husband decided to leave Philippines for at least a year.  So I was left behind.

Several colleagues leaned about it and showed sympathy. I am very thankful there are someone care about it.

But whether I am sad or not is different story?

Then, I ask myself...Am I sad? Did I feel lonely? Hummm, there are no persons who are ok that loved one will be away. But I am half happy about his departure.

Happy? WHY?

He will be free from something occupied him. I cannot specify these things occupied him. Once I wanted to spend some time with him, he was already fully frustrated because of given situation or problems around him. These ate his energy and time too much. Then, we ended up arguing each others even thought there was nothing serious going on between us. That is really sad.

That is why if he stays here (with problems) , it will affect our relationships.

I am wondering why people tend to share something miserable or bad. On the one hand, people do not share about their happiness to others.

Anyway, another reason why I am ok about his departure is that it is already part of our life. Ever since our relationship had started several years ago, we experience distant relationship. Often we experienced that one is in one side of the Earth, another is in another side of the Earth.

For example, while we were still boy friend and girl friend, he was in the Netherlands, I was in Singapore, and Philippines..when we got married, both of us were in the Philippines. But he left soon after the wedding and so on...Our newly wedding day was not exist.

Our romance is beyond the boarder.

It is sounds romantic.

But reality is not so. Simply, we are so busy to do own our staffs and tried to fit our marriage life in between of these.

Now, finally I can describe this event.
It is like he is living in the parallel world. Only the time, we both need each others, we contact via special gadget. What we need is simply (psychological/emotional) connection. (I do not deny physical togetherness but in our case, no choice.)

But strange things in my part, I am staying his country. My presence here in the Philippines, is somehow assured by him. Hummm it is not precisely stating my situation but I had a choice to live another place if my husband is not Filipino.

Once he left, I am like floating air space. My feeling is something very real but something not.

I am like an astronaut who is thrown away from the space ship..I have to busy swim in the space to reach my destination. Also it seems I have to reach the place while I still have enough air to breath. I swim but where can be my destination remains unknown.

When I encountered something strange or weird, I tried to share to my Ninans (God mother(s)).

Advice from my Ninans for this case was I have to take care of myself more than usual. Yes, I will do until I find own my planet or space ship.

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